Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Dear god my vagina.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
