I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
