i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
