I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
