I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
