16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
