You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
worst night to have a conscience
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
