R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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