Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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