God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
