Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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