When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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