It was confusing and full of hummus
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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