Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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