Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
