Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
