Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
