YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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