guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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