I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
