sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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