How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
