last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
