No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
