so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
