I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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