U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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