You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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