okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
