she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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