Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
