The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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