Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
