I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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