is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
