my sisters under your porch take her home
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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