I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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