I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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