You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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