guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
last night I used snow as a chaser
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
