smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
