In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
