so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
