If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
