i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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