I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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