Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
