WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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