I will die if light touches me.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
