oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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