OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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