so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
