Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
