does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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